A Grandpa Journey Reflection on Chinese Tradition, a Mother's Sacrifice, and the Meaning of Age
This morning, I stumbled upon a TikTok video that made me stop and think.
The video featured a school headmaster responding to a young student's comment that the traditional Chinese way of counting age, known as 虛歲 (xūsuì), was ridiculous.
The headmaster explained the tradition in detail. His explanation brought me back to my Chinese roots and made me reflect on something that we sometimes overlook in our modern lives: the meaning behind an old cultural practice.
As an 80-year-old grandfather, I found the subject particularly interesting. According to traditional Chinese age reckoning, I am 81 years old.
How can that be?
Two ways of counting age
Most of us living in modern Western societies follow what the Chinese call 周歲, or 實歲. We begin life at zero, and we become one year older on each birthday.
It is straightforward. If you have lived for 80 complete years, you are 80 years old.
Traditional Chinese age reckoning works differently. A newborn is counted as one year old at birth. The person's age then increases by one at each Chinese New Year, rather than on the individual's birthday.
Under this system, a child born shortly before Chinese New Year can be considered two years old only a few days after birth!
To someone unfamiliar with the tradition, this may sound absurd. But the calculation follows a different principle: it counts the calendar years of a person's life rather than the number of complete years since birth. The practice has deep historical roots in Chinese society. Historical evidence shows that age reckoning varied across periods and between official records and everyday customs. The practice of increasing age at the beginning of the year was established by the Han period, although we should be cautious about claiming that one particular explanation accounts for its original invention.
For those who wish to understand the distinction, the Chinese Text Project provides a useful explanation of 虛歲.
A mother's nine months: the part that touches my heart
What struck me most in the TikTok explanation was the connection between 虛歲 and a mother's sacrifice.
Before a baby enters the world, the mother has already carried that child in her womb for months. During pregnancy, she nourishes the developing baby through her own body. She experiences physical changes, discomfort, worry and, in many cases, considerable hardship.
Then comes childbirth.
In traditional Chinese expressions, childbirth is sometimes described as passing through 鬼門關 — literally, the gate of the ghosts, a vivid expression for the danger a mother may face when giving birth.
Thankfully, modern medicine has made childbirth much safer in many parts of the world. Nevertheless, pregnancy and delivery still involve risks, and a mother's experience deserves respect.
The traditional Chinese age system can be understood as reflecting an old view that life begins before birth and that a child's existence is part of a longer journey, not simply something that starts at the moment of delivery.
Some people explain the first year assigned at birth by referring to the time spent in the womb. It is a touching interpretation. However, we should distinguish this cultural explanation from established historical evidence about how the age-counting system developed.
Even so, I find the connection meaningful.
A child may not remember the months spent in the womb. A child cannot repay the mother for the sacrifices she made before birth. But the family can remember, acknowledge and honour those sacrifices.
Perhaps this is one reason the interpretation resonates so strongly with Chinese family values.
Is 虛歲 really ridiculous?
Let me be candid.
If we are talking about calculating someone's exact age for a passport, medical treatment, legal documents or other official purposes, the traditional system is not the right tool. We need a consistent way of measuring the time a person has actually lived.
In that context, counting a newborn as one year old and adding another year at Chinese New Year can certainly create confusion.
But does that make the tradition ridiculous?
I don't think so.
We must distinguish between a system's practical purpose and its cultural meaning.
A calendar measures time. A birthday celebrates an individual milestone. A traditional age system can also express how a community understands life, family and belonging.
These are different purposes.
We no longer need every old custom to manage our daily lives. Yet we should not dismiss a tradition simply because it differs from the way we do things today.
Our ancestors did not live in the same world we inhabit. They developed customs and conventions within their own social, cultural and practical circumstances. Some practices have disappeared; others remain because they continue to carry meaning.
Understanding a tradition does not require us to agree with every aspect of it. It simply asks us to look beyond the surface before passing judgment.
What does it mean to be 81?
For me, turning 80 was already a significant milestone.
I have lived through childhood, work, family responsibilities, retirement and the many unexpected turns of life. I have experienced happiness and sorrow, success and disappointment. I have watched the world change in ways that my younger self could hardly have imagined.
Now, according to 虛歲, I am 81.
Does that mean I have suddenly lived an additional year? Of course not.
But the number offers an opportunity to reflect on what a lifetime represents.
My life did not begin in isolation. Before I took my first breath, my mother had already invested months of her life in bringing me into the world. After my birth, my parents and other family members helped me grow. Teachers, colleagues, friends and mentors influenced the person I became.
As I grow older, I appreciate more deeply that no one builds a life entirely alone.
We often celebrate individual achievement. We talk about education, careers, money, personal goals and success. These things matter, but behind every life there are usually people whose contributions are not fully recognised.
A mother is often among the first.
Perhaps the most valuable lesson we can draw from the traditional age system is not that we should all count ourselves one year older. It is that we should remember the people and relationships that made our lives possible.
Tradition and modern life can coexist
I am an 80-year-old grandfather who enjoys exploring artificial intelligence and sharing what I learn through my blog.
My interest in modern technology does not require me to abandon my Chinese heritage. In fact, learning about new ideas sometimes helps me appreciate old traditions more clearly.
Artificial intelligence can explain how 虛歲 is calculated. Historical research can help us understand how the practice developed. A thoughtful conversation can explore what the tradition means to different generations.
But the final question — whether we value the sacrifices of our parents and the wisdom carried through our family traditions — is a human question.
Technology can provide information. We must still decide what that information means to us.
I also believe that young people should be encouraged to question traditional practices. Asking questions is not disrespectful. A student who calls 虛歲 ridiculous may simply have encountered a custom without understanding its background.
The opportunity for an older generation is not to scold the young for questioning. It is to explain, listen and share the experience behind the tradition.
And the opportunity for younger people is to consider that an unfamiliar custom may contain more than meets the eye.
We do not have to preserve every tradition unchanged. We can examine it honestly, retain what remains meaningful and recognise where modern methods are more appropriate.
That is how culture can continue to live rather than become a collection of words in an old book.
A final thought from Grandpa
This morning's TikTok video reminded me that age is more than a number, although we must be careful not to confuse different ways of counting it.
By the modern method, I am 80 years old. By the traditional Chinese method, I am 81.
Neither number tells the whole story of my life.
What matters more is how I have lived, what I have learned, whom I have loved and what I can pass on to the next generation.
If 虛歲 reminds us to think about the months a mother carries her child, the risks she faces and the love that often begins before a baby is born, then the tradition offers us an opportunity for reflection — even if that maternal interpretation is not the complete historical explanation for the system.
We cannot repay our mothers simply by counting an extra year. We honour them through our gratitude, our actions and the way we care for others.
So, to the young student in that video, I would say this:
You do not have to use 虛歲 in your everyday life. You are entitled to question it. But before calling it ridiculous, take a little time to understand the history and the values people associate with it.
And to my fellow seniors, I would add one more thought:
We have a responsibility to pass on our stories, not merely our customs. If we explain the meaning behind a tradition with patience and honesty, perhaps the next generation will understand us a little better.
At 80 by one count and 81 by another, I am still learning. And as long as I am still learning, I believe there is still something worth sharing.
That is one of the reasons I continue my Grandpa Journey.
One grandfather's reflection on age, heritage, gratitude and the stories we leave behind.
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